Crow and a Mosquito

Sitting in silence
Crow black as darkness
Giant mosquito perched
beside her.

What is your message
sitting there motionless
unmoving
unspeaking
just your eyes
staring into mine.

Harbinger of Death
knowledge of self
trickster of my soul
bringer of magic
messenger of the gods
What brings you to me
in this dark hour
before the end of night?

There beside you
proboscis poised
patiently sitting
waiting slyly
to drain my life?

There you sit
silently watching
Here am I
quietly watching
waiting.

What moves you
to come to me
in dreams
what moves you to
sit in silence
unmoving?

Is this a game
of mind

strategies
pitted one against the other
moves of cleverness
which can only end
in one victorious?

Is it a choice I must make
my soul carried away
or my life drained?

What is the meaning
of this omen
of this sign
of this image
seen as I return
from other worlds?

Leaping

Diving into midnight fog
Jumping off the precipice
tumbling downward
Flying through indiscernible mists
Ringing tiny droplets
singing
dancing
whirling
twirling
swirling

fragments comingulating
in a chaotic choir of orgasmic moans

Lightning piercing contentment
tearing
slicing
chopping
shredding
mincing
discombobulating


Pausing

still
frames frozen

lips
poised
pursed
nearly
touching…

Soulmates

"A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we're pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we're safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we're two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we've found the right person.
Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life!"
~ Richard Bach

Sometimes

Sometimes
just a simple
innocuous
conversation
can give magnificient
wings
to one’s heart.

Sometimes
just the sound
of a voice,
can heal gaping
chasms
in one’s soul.

Sometimes
you can
be touched
to a depth
you never dared
believe possible.

Sometimes?
No, not sometimes.

Maybe once
or twice
in the whole
of a lifetime
would one
find someone
who can touch
you so.

This Moment

Even when I am filled with sadness, I am not sad.
When fill with happiness, I am not happy
When filled with fear, I am not fearful.
Or act courageously I am not courageous.
I may have from time to time
but I am none of these things.

In this moment I am filled with joy
and in fields of dreams
I inhale their
fragrance
taste their
ambrosial nectar
and dance amongst
worlds yet to be born.

So remember your wings
take my hand
and dance
to the music
of our home world.

It Matters Little

It matters little how much any of us are deeply loved by someone. If we are not loved by the one we are most intimate with, ourselves; we will never really feel loved or understood.


Someone once said to me I need to learn to love myself. Love myself? Even the question drew a blank. There is nothing to love, I am unlovable, undeserving of love and nothing can ever change that. Of all the battles to fight in life, of all those to forgive the hardest and most unforgivable was myself. It wasn’t for anything in particular; there was something at the core of my soul which was eternally unforgivable and unlovable. Try as I may to find what wrong I needed to right, what evil I had done which could not be forgiven, none could be found. But, it was there, I knew it, I felt it and could not make it go away.

So here I am, the most unforgivable, most unlovable being in this or any universe. These are not just words but how I truly have felt my whole life. Yes, the academic excursions, sex, drugs, positive affirmations, meditations, and all the other fixes failed to do anything but provide a temporary distraction from what I felt.

So it all comes to this:
I am unforgivable, and I forgive myself.
I am unlovable, and I love myself.

And this is the paradox.

No answers, no fixes, no path or way to happiness.

It is being completely immersed in the paradox, diving in without any hope of ever coming up for air, letting go of a need for answers or fixes. In this seemly horrific experience, it all melts away and only limitless joy remains.

Alone

Alone as child
I flew with the birds
high into the sky
feeling the clouds
beneath my wings

Alone as child
the sun
sat on the mountain top
and smiled

Alone as child
there were secret places
where air
rustled with magic

Alone as child
I looked in the mirror
saw a face
no longer young
and wondered why.

The Courtesan’s Earlobe

I lower my lips to whisper into her ear
but my tongue caresses her earlobe
instead.

My lips pause while
a moist appendage
fondles
a dangling
golden earring
teasing
heat from
deep within
her.

She listens as it slides around the curves
breath warm, humid
enveloping her ear
flowing across her cheek
through her hair

each strand wrapped
embraced by the heat
in my breath.

I whisper my deepest
secrets from the core of
my being.
thoughts naked
like an egg without a shell.

Thoughts
passions
lascivious desires
all of her
whispered
into a
receptive ear
for her
ear alone

Passions deep
from countless
lives
coming
from a bottomless
chasm
of longing
and desire
aching
wanting

waiting
for this
moment
alone.