I just want to blow my fucking brains out.

Sometimes I just want to eat lots of food, drink lots of scotch and blow my brains out. I look back on the dreams I had a young boy and know I have failed them, failed those I cared most about and know there is no redemption in what days remain. The face I see in the mirror is not who I thought I was or would become. I have only been a waste of good air and space. The only redeeming thought is that life is only temporary. The pain is that it continues, at least for the moment.

So in this space, in these feelings and thoughts; I sit, till I have taken them all in, felt them to the fullest and find a smile.