Even in the darkest moments of our lives, there lie hidden, often far from sight, cracks in the darkness, openings to joy and light.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
What I Am Searching For
I have been thinking about what it is I am and have been searching for. I have come to realize, at least this moment, that it is not a thing or an answerable answer. It is a search for the question I am hunting for and it is the question and NOT answers.
I seek to know that original questioning thought in the mind of God which gave birth to the world-universe, perhaps even to countless worlds. Just that one thought that flashed through his-her mind at its conception and before its birth. That single question that gave birth to all questions and all existence.
That is all I want.
After all it is questions which give life and answers which take it away.
But, then perhaps that is just my curse to see it that way.
I have always been a searcher, looking for the Holy Grail, philosopher’s stone or ovum anguinum; searching for some hidden secret hidden knowledge which would transform my being into something more worthy than I felt it to be.
I searched, spent years of study of Quantum Mechanics, Physics, Cosmology, and Microbiology. I searched the esoteric writings of enlightened eastern, western mystics and established religions, all to no avail. The truth I sought, was not to be found in this world or the next, it was not anything which could be grasp, held in my hand or given to another.
The closest I have come to seeing truth was to gaze into the eyes of a new born babe. It is this innocent wonder, the light of the Divine Mystery shining out from the soul; which is love, life, and truth.
This Holy Grail is found within, if only I dare to look through the darkness which cloaks it so well and walk quietly, patiently, waiting for those rare moments when the dark clouds part and the light shines, warming the empty coldness which so often engulfs me.