I read an article that a friend sent out by Julie Redstone (see the link below), which reminded me some of my own internal storms.
I have been wrestling with some related thoughts and ideas that have been plaguing me for a long time; I have been scratching down notes (which I have lost) for some time trying put down and make sense out of some thoughts on relationships, soulmates and those who have flew through my life leaving a huge impact on who I became. Mostly it is the confusion and frustration has to do with people who come into my life for whom I feel a deep connection with, especially those of the opposite sex.
There seems to be this view, that society holds, that the only deep connection one can have with the opposite sex is sexual or that of a lover (with exception of family of course). I know that if I were to tell a woman I felt deeply connected to her, or words to that effect, it would only be interpreted as (and really sounds like) a come-on and an invitation to bed. I am sure any man would react similarly with hearing something from a woman. So I find myself instinctively running from such thoughts and relationships, keeping those who I would be close to, at a far distance for fear of crossing this line into severe inappropriateness.
The problem with these perceptions and beliefs of the society we live in, is that they become engrained in all of us, seemly infecting our very essence with those beliefs; we become engrained with all of these expectations and values; raising strong feelings of guilt and/or wrong doing whenever we fail to live up to these expectations and/or cross one of those lines in how we "Should" feel connected to one another.
Perhaps I simply have no moral values but, I do believe that, aside from those who come into our lives to challenge us and who provide lessons and learning’s which are often extremely painful and crushing, there are also those who enter our lives and are so connected to us in positive and loving ways that they rival the relationship between lovers in intensity; while at the same time not being lovers. It is through these very special relationships that we grow, transform and metamorphose into who it is we are meant to be, albeit far more than we ever dreamt possible.
Unfortunately there does not seem to be words in our language to describe this kind of relationship. There are friends but, this is far more than friendship; then there are lovers, which this kind of relationship, also is not. Perhaps maybe it is on a non-physical level but, then are we not all lovers in a spiritual sense in our oneness? Even the word Soulmate does not have a meaning which communicates this relationship properly, at least not in its popularly understood sense.
There seems to be this taboo area of relationships which we (at let I) find extremely hard to talk about or discuss; part of it seems to be, that we(I) simply don't have adequate words in the language to talk about it. Of course we don't have the words because we most often won't even admit to ourselves that these feelings and connectedness exists or if we do, that these feelings are so wrong that the only choice we have is to be silent and passively let the guilt eats us from within.
I once heard it stated that intimacy really is/means "Into-me-see", which should the norm not something we reserve for just one other on the planet. If we all could see deeply into each other, without judgment or painting them with ourselves, would the seeds of war and hate not cease to exist? Would we not come to realize just how unique we all are and out of that uniqueness, see how alike and one we are?
Then again perhaps I only have some serious deep psychological problems that need professional help before I am let loose unescorted. However, so far I have evaded the white coated ones and will continue to plague others of you on this planet with my insanity. LOL