Even in the darkest moments of our lives, there lie hidden, often far from sight, cracks in the darkness, openings to joy and light.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Gum on Your Soul
I got the following quote in an email from a dear friend.
“God determines who walks into your life.... it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.”
It is a choice each of us makes but, not a easy one.
Of course my mind stared working and had to see another side too, so I was reminded of a quote by Kahlil Gibran
“If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were.”
We can only choose our own actions and can, or should, never stop anyone who truly wants to leave and not be a part of our lives, no matter how much they mean to us and we feel we need them or think they need us.
Where do we draw the line between letting go with love and hanging on till the very end for someone who needs our unconditional love and support? The nagging questions asked; am I making their life better or adding to their crap; who am I to be that self appointed judge on how to better another’s life?
There have been too many times when I have felt myself to be only the unwanted wad of chewing gum, gripping tenaciously, to the sole of someone’s shoe, picked up as they walked carelessly through life. Had they been watching where they were going, most likely, I would have been avoided and given a wide berth and their life, far more pleasant or so I have felt.
Since we so rarely get honest and open communication; the question of “can the right choice ever be made?” is always most certainly no. At some level, I am sure I am just adding to the crap but, then again perhaps, it may also be true, on rare occasions, that I am really making a difference in a good way. Truth is, I never really know.
One thing is certain however, we are all in similar boats, trying to navigate equally treacherous seas, mostly without any compass, stars or shore to guide us; our hands frozen, unable to grip the wheel, even if we could see where to go. Life is experienced as an endless stormy sea bounded by perilous rocks between us and any safe harbor we may dream and hope for.
If you are reading this expecting an answer or conclusion, I have none, just more questions or a long list of verifications that I am a wad of chewing gum. But, that is the nature of the mind and critic who dwells within, pretending to be me or you.
Somewhere, for some fathomless purpose, something created that wad of gum (if that is what we are or I am) and then we were set adrift, apparently discarded. But, that doesn’t mean I have to discard who I am and, I choose not to. If we all be wads of gum, then we will, at some point, all get suck together as one limitless wad of soul gum in universal oneness as the cosmos chews. Then we will be blown into one gigantic bubble; with a new universe coming into existence with another big bang.
I have always been a searcher, looking for the Holy Grail, philosopher’s stone or ovum anguinum; searching for some hidden secret hidden knowledge which would transform my being into something more worthy than I felt it to be.
I searched, spent years of study of Quantum Mechanics, Physics, Cosmology, and Microbiology. I searched the esoteric writings of enlightened eastern, western mystics and established religions, all to no avail. The truth I sought, was not to be found in this world or the next, it was not anything which could be grasp, held in my hand or given to another.
The closest I have come to seeing truth was to gaze into the eyes of a new born babe. It is this innocent wonder, the light of the Divine Mystery shining out from the soul; which is love, life, and truth.
This Holy Grail is found within, if only I dare to look through the darkness which cloaks it so well and walk quietly, patiently, waiting for those rare moments when the dark clouds part and the light shines, warming the empty coldness which so often engulfs me.