Saturday, July 28, 2007
Sometimes letting go gets you more than you bargained for. It may turn out that you let go of more than just what you thought it was, you were letting slip away.
I feel like now I have let go of all that remains of life. Letting it slip between my fingers like so much sand and in the act, as the last of a few grains of sand passed through, realizing, they mean no less to me now, than any possible future days I may have ever even dreamed to live.
It is odd how, what should have been a relatively insignificant moment, can obliviate what ever purpose or reason life once held for me; substituting in it’s stead, something far more tenuous and fragile than I could ever have imagined possible for any reasonable being to accept so totally and without question.
It seems I have discovered that within my mind or soul or what ever it is, in some once dark, hidden corner, beat the heart of a madman and fool. A wisp of morning blurriness, which swallowed the world I once thought, was home. And with the coming of another day, when a light shown and the eyes cleared, I asked “where is the world?” There remained nothing to see, to touch, hear or taste. And from whence came this light I saw as my vision cleared, was it from sun or moon; or was this just a flash, a last futile attempt from dieing nerves before a blindness which blotted out all I once saw and cloaked me forever in darkness?
I can not say, my sight, my reason, they all have fled me, leaving behind only an unfathomable void, cold, empty and without substance.
I wonder how I even was able to articulate anything, other than some spasmodic, unintelligible, accidental syllables. Yet, somehow, I did, and with one foot eternally falling through this void and the other firmly planted in serene bliss. Considering the irresoluteness of who I am, to stand also with resoluteness, both simultaneously, is truly astonishing.
But, I am at peace and happiness blooms.