Even in the darkest moments of our lives, there lie hidden, often far from sight, cracks in the darkness, openings to joy and light.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
I read a question about insecurity on a newsgroup. I think it hit upon a universal concern here. I just consulted my oracle (google) about insecurity and got 9,4300,000 hits! So that must tell us something. It did make me think and ask what is this insecurity thing and as you will soon see, don’t get me started. Here are some thoughts albeit a little cerebral. LOL
Each of us, no matter what title we put in front of our name has insecurities. It is part of what it means to be human. It is the part which keeps questioning, among other things, ourselves and our relationship to others. Feeling insecure is part of the experience of self rediscovery; the unpleasant part.
The uncertainty of who we are is part of the mystery and wonder of us as beings. This uncertainty is experienced as insecurity, that trepidation felt as we realize the person we thought we were, is not who we are now. On some level, we question who this new person is and we ask ourselves if the one who we thought we were, ever really existed and if they didn’t, is the one we know now any more real? If we don’t know who we are selves are, can even know what is real in the world around us? Not to mention questioning of our own abilities, choices and actions; all of this in response to not knowing.
The mind has an intrinsic need to know, understand and comprehend all that we or others do and/or experience. It is constantly working feverously to make sense it all. If it doesn’t, we find ourselves filled with fear, feelings of inadequacy or superiority. All attempts to give reason to what we experience. We find the internal voices telling us it didn’t turn out as we expected because “I” am not good enough or because “they” are an asshole or idiot.
Security is such a colossal issue that we have whole government organizations concerned with our national or home land security. We have those whose job it is to provide us with security in our homes, work places and shopping malls. Why would we have such vast resources spent on security if there was not insecurity to begin with?
Who is responsible for our personal inner security? Is it our minds, our hearts, our lover, partner or friend? Who is it really who should take ownership of this task? Is insecurity anything more than failure or fear of meeting expectations, ours or others?
Communication is a key towards dealing with insecure feelings. If open, honest and unrestrained communication can be shared, we would realize just how alike we all are in this and other respects. In the process we will find ourselves being more accepting of others and them of us. All in a giant step towards that state of unconditional love and acceptance we all desire.
Another key is seeing that feeling insecure about anything is a normal reaction to the unknown or expectational shortfalls. It is not about our value as a person or who we are. It is not confirmation that we or someone else is not who we/they should be. Each of us is perfectly who we are, one unique, irreplaceable individual unlike any other who ever did or will walk this earth. No one can ever bring to this world or another, the special gifts that each of us has to give. Our task is to see that in ourselves, in others and acknowledge it.
Simple isn’t it? Hell no, if it was, this would not ever be an issue; and the world’s defense budget would be reduced to zero and our taxes would be much less for one thing. LOL Not to mention how much easier living each of our lives would be.
I have always been a searcher, looking for the Holy Grail, philosopher’s stone or ovum anguinum; searching for some hidden secret hidden knowledge which would transform my being into something more worthy than I felt it to be.
I searched, spent years of study of Quantum Mechanics, Physics, Cosmology, and Microbiology. I searched the esoteric writings of enlightened eastern, western mystics and established religions, all to no avail. The truth I sought, was not to be found in this world or the next, it was not anything which could be grasp, held in my hand or given to another.
The closest I have come to seeing truth was to gaze into the eyes of a new born babe. It is this innocent wonder, the light of the Divine Mystery shining out from the soul; which is love, life, and truth.
This Holy Grail is found within, if only I dare to look through the darkness which cloaks it so well and walk quietly, patiently, waiting for those rare moments when the dark clouds part and the light shines, warming the empty coldness which so often engulfs me.